Deciding on Birth Control

My wife and I can't agree on what type of contraception to use. She wants me to use a condom and I want her to take birth control pills. We already tried some other methods like the diaphragm but found they intruded on our spontaneity. What should we do?

Choosing and using a birth control method that is acceptable to both spouses can be difficult. When you reach an impasse, try to get some objectivity into your decision-making process.

We can offer some suggestions. Separately, each of you could make a chart evaluating the various birth control methods according to safety, effectiveness, convenience and personal preference. You may need to do some research on each method to present an accurate picture. Various interactive tools are available on-line to help you in this process. The American Academy of Family Physicians’ website - www.familydoctor.org - offers helpful information on birth control options.

The Barrier Methods are condoms, contraceptive sponges, the diaphragm and the cervical cap. These are used with a vaginal spermicidal.

In gathering data about different types of hormonal contraceptive methods, it's important to understand that the hormones are combined differently in different methods/pills, so that your wife may be able to find one that works for her. MANAGING CONTRACEPTIVE PILL PATIENTS,
Thirteenth Edition, by Richard P. Dickey, MD, PhD, available at www.emispub.com or at 1.800.225.0694, is a helpful resource for that process.

Two methods that you have not mentioned are a more permanent surgical method that would only be an option if you are certain you never want more children and some form of natural family planning.

Once you have each done your homework, compare your findings. Take turns listening to each other and clarifying what the other thinks and feels, so that you each feel heard. Often this process will lead you to some mutually acceptable options. Two of our resources - the second chapter in our book Sex Facts for the Family and the ninth chapter in Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start - are designed to walk you through the process of choosing a birth control method that can work for both of you. After you go through your decision-making process, consult your health care provider to finalize your decision based on your medical history.

For Further Exploration: Sex Facts for the Family
and for Newlyweds: Getting Your Sex Life Off To a Great Start

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