This is probably a typical early-married question, but I'll ask it anyway: How does a guy control ejaculation?

The single most common problem men report is premature ejaculation --not having control of when ejaculation occurs or ejaculating before he and his wife are ready for him to respond.

The seriousness of the problem varies. A man may have so little control that he ejaculates before entry or when his wife touches his penis. More commonly, the man is unable to last more than a minute or two after entry.

Ejaculating quickly seems to be a learned reflex response that can be effectively reconditioned when a husband and wife actively pursue learning ejaculation control together. There are four basic principles and guidelines for learning to control ejaculation.

First, the husband needs to shift his focus away from ejaculation onto pleasure. He needs to savor the sensations of touch and arousal rather than being anxious about or eager for release.

Second, the man must allow himself to be passive and "soak in" pleasure rather than actively pursuing arousal and release. Ejaculation is controlled by the active branch of the involuntary nervous system, so passivity helps delay that automatic active response.

Third, the man needs to increase his awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that he can identify, on a scale of zero (no arousal) to ten (orgasm), the level of his arousal.

Fourth, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by a following a step-by-step process. We teach couples the use of the squeeze technique, as adapted from Masters and Johnson. Helen Singer Kaplan teaches the stop-start technique, which is basically the same as the squeeze, except instead of applying the squeeze, all genital stimulation is stopped. To learn this process, be very deliberate in mastering each step we have detailed in Restoring the Pleasure. To prevent failure, be sure the squeeze is applied or the stimulation is stopped as soon as the husband reaches full erection rather than waiting until he is approaching ejaculation (i.e., when he is identifying his arousal in the lower numbers of 3 to 6 rather than when he is approaching level 10). Take a break by moving away from genital touching and pursue general body caressing. The man's thoughts and focus must move with the touch. With careful attention to the step-by-step process, pleasure can be enhanced as control is learned.

For Further Exploration:
Restoring the Pleasure

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