Is it all that wrong to have a quick sexual encounter to satisfy one mate's or the other's sexual urges, and then later in the week have a more leisurely, mutually fulfilling experience? Or is a "quickie" always a selfish act on the part of the person who gains a greater degree of satisfaction from it?

Quickies are great if they are mutually satisfying--or at least agreeable to both parties-and are not the consistent menu for your sexual experiences. A quickie now and then is not necessarily selfish or negative. In fact, quickies may be natural if your hectic lifestyle doesn't permit leisurely sex as often as you both desire, or if one of you is in the mood and the other is a willing participant. The freedom to express your needs can be mutual and edifying to your relationship.

However, if one spouse repeatedly asks for quickies, the other may experience less interest in sex over time. Then the first spouse may become anxious about the other's decreased interest and pursue quick sex more often. That pattern can become a negative spiral downward.

The best scenario for maintaining quality, fulfilling sex through all the years of your marriage can occur when both spouses feel free to express their sexual desires without placing demand on the other. But if you suggest a quickie, your spouse should feel free to suggest an alternative without communicating a sense of duty or dread. For example, he or she could say, "You caught me off guard. My mind is far from sex right now. Would it work for you if we have a quickie after I'm done with what I'm working on right now? That'll give me time to shift gears." Or the spouse may want to suggest another time or activity that would help him or her get in the mood in order for the time to be more mutual.

A quickie that benefits one spouse will not become selfish if both partners express their true inner desires and respond with care for the other without violating their own feelings. And, of course, a long-term, mutually satisfying sexual relationship will include regular leisurely quality time to enjoy each other's bodies.

For Further Exploration:
The Gift of Sex and
The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex

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