We've been married three years and we've never had an orgasm at the same time. I always thought this was something most couples enjoyed, and it seems like it would be wonderful to experience it. Is it really all that important, or should we give up trying?

It really isn't all that important. The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions.

First, it assumes that two people get aroused and then respond at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body's natural response mechanism.

Goal-oriented sex requires a wife to be orgasmic during intercourse, which is not the case for more than half of all sexually active women. It often assumes that she will only have one orgasm so she has to time that orgasm to occur when her husband is about to ejaculate. Women have the capacity to have more than one orgasm, and it's more likely that a woman who pursues multiple orgasms may have one when her husband does. Even then it works best when it is simply allowed to happen rather than worked toward as a goal.

As one woman put it, "I wouldn't want to orgasm when he does because then I would miss out on his." Many couples prefer to enjoy each other's orgasms. That way, you can double your pleasure.

For Further Exploration:
The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex

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